The Truth Behind Women's High Standards

Do women nowadays really expect too much? Spoiler: Yes. At least much more than in the bygone era of lifelong relationships.

In the world of dating, one debate never seems to fade: have women’s expectations become too high, or have men remained too simple? From the male perspective, the script often sounds like this: “All we want is for a woman to be beautiful and kind.” Women’s checklist, however, appears far more complex—looks, financial stability, ambition, confidence, emotional maturity, empathy, and good communication skills all play into their willingness to commit.

Different filters—not more or fewer expectations

Psychological research has long confirmed that men focus more strongly on physical attractiveness. Evolution explains this: beauty, youth, and health once signaled fertility. Women, on the other hand, selected the strongest or most resourceful partner, because long-term safety and stability for raising children were paramount.

That equation shifted dramatically after World War II, when women entered the workforce en masse—partly because men were absent from both homes and jobs. From then on, women developed a much more sophisticated filtering system.

In modern society, most women no longer marry for financial security; many build careers that provide that themselves. So what they seek in a partner is not just someone to “put bread on the table,” but an emotional and intellectual companion as well.

In the past, nobody questioned traditional family roles. Today, fewer people are willing to adapt to them—and men’s lives have also changed, with women firmly present in workplaces. The marketplace of relationships has expanded: more men, more women, more options, more models of family life, more conflicts, and more examples. And yet, loneliness is on the rise.

Are women’s high expectations really to blame for loneliness?

Only partly. Modern solitude is the result of several forces. Consumer culture has made it easy to treat relationships like replaceable gadgets—if it isn’t perfect, it’s discarded. At the same time, individualism has elevated personal freedom and self-fulfillment above compromise. More and more people also grow up with insecure attachment patterns, which makes it harder to build lasting bonds. And finally, the illusion of endless choice in the world of mass dating apps—where a seemingly better option is always just one swipe away—undermines the willingness to persevere.

Loneliness, therefore, isn’t simply a product of women’s long lists—it’s also about how much harder it has become to truly commit in today’s environment.

The myth of the “perfect man”—does he exist?

Yes and no. Women’s expectations can sound as if one man must simultaneously be James Bond, Albert Einstein, and Ryan Gosling. But in reality, most women aren’t looking for flawless. What resonates more is a man who strives to grow, is independent yet attentive, and expresses his thoughts and feelings honestly.

Someone who is open, caring, and capable of real connection will often find an invisible box checked on women’s lists—the one labeled: “For me, this is perfect.”