Conformity or Flow? The Two Faces of Effort

Conformity is always effort. When you live according to others’ expectations, you’re walking a path you didn’t choose yourself—and it’s no wonder you often find it burdensome. The question is: why do you still do it? Often because you don’t really know what you want.

Imagine walking uphill on a mountain. It’s hard, exhausting, and all you can think is: “Why am I even doing this?” If you don’t enjoy hiking and you only came along because others wanted to climb, you won’t even notice the beauty of the landscape. You’ll just keep thinking how tired you are—and wonder what the point of reaching that peak is anyway. That’s exactly what it feels like when you’re fulfilling someone else’s expectations, living someone else’s dream—when deep down, you’d rather be lying on the beach. You just haven’t wanted it badly enough yet to find your own way there, or the right company to share it with. Or maybe you haven’t dared to admit it to yourself—because going with the group feels safer than venturing onto an unknown path.

That’s why the first step is to start becoming aware: what truly fills you with joy, and what doesn’t? This doesn’t happen overnight. But every small realization, every “I like this—I don’t like that” decision brings you closer to clarifying your own goal. What are you good at? What do you truly love to do? That’s only one part of the equation. The other question—the one people who merely survive day by day rarely stop to ask—is about purpose. What’s the purpose of what you’re doing? Why are you doing it? Can you identify with the image of yourself at the end of that path? Picture yourself in the situation that will be the result of your current efforts—and you’ll instantly feel whether it’s truly what you want.

Because if you’re realizing someone else’s dream, the road will usually feel like a struggle—conformity always drains you. But if you follow your own goal, effort transforms. The journey itself becomes a source of joy, not just the destination. That is the flow experience: when you’re so absorbed in what you’re doing that you don’t even feel the hardship—you just know: this is my path.